Chapter twenty-two

“Ok, this day officially sucks.”

Jon turned around a looked at his oldest daughter holding the phone in her hand.

“I can only echo that, sweetie, but please watch your language.” Jon said while closing his mobile. Kris rolled her eyes.

“Where’s mom?” she asked.

“Well, she just called. The first streets are flooded. She stays at her parents place with Steph and Jesse tonight. It’s safer.”

In the last days it got warmer and warmer. The snow was gone and heavy rain with storms was crossing the country. And that at the end of November, Jon thought. He wanted so much a white Christmas for the kids. It would be the first time Jesse would really realize it and Kris told him that she couldn’t remember the last time she had snow for Christmas.

“Oh, ok.” Kris said.

“And what ruined your day?” Jon asked.

“Daniel just called.” She said nervously. Jon grinned, seems she likes him. “Dan had to close the bar, so we have no place to rehearse anymore.” Kris continued.

“What about the school?” Jon asked. After all they were a school band.

Kris shook her head. “The choir and the other band are already rehearsing there for the Christmas-show. We didn’t worry about that, because we had Dan’s.” She sighed. “Now, of all times! The school finally agreed that we don’t have to play Christmas songs only, but can also perform three other songs. We really need to practice!” Kris was desperate.

The few gig’s they had went ok, but she knew she would be more nervous when there were people in the audience she knew. People like her father and the rest of the band, who he all invited, who could tell in a second whether a band was good or bad. She had to practice the songs so she wouldn’t have to worry about forgetting lyrics or chords.

“Could you do it at home of one of the guys?” Jon wanted to know.

Kris shook her head no.

“Well, I can’t let you into the studio, because we are recording, but we have a soundproof room down the basement.” He suggested.

“Really?” Kris was surprised. She didn’t know that. But she never bothered to check out the whole basement.

“Yeah, it’s not huge, but it should be big enough to put a drum set, keyboard and a couple of stools in.”

“You are great!” she flung her arm around his neck and kissed his cheek. “I have to call Daniel.”

He smiled. Everytime she showed some kind of affection he was sure they would have a normal father-daughter relationship someday. Maybe she would even call him ‘dad’ then.

“Uhm…Jon.” He looked at her. “The line is dead!”

He frowned. “Really?” Jon took the phone and tried it himself, but it wasn’t working. “Shit!”

In the next second the lights flickered and then went out. They were standing only inches away from each other, but couldn’t see the other one.

“Jon?” he could hear the fear in her voice.

“I’m here, sweetie.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her with him down the hall into the kitchen.

“Seems the whole street is dark.” He said after a look out of the window and started searching through the drawers for a flashlight.

“Ah, here it is.” He turned it on and smiled comforting at Kris. But his daughter was looking out of the window.

“Look!” she said and pointed outside. The rain grew stronger. The trees in front of the house were bending strongly in the wind and even though it was dark outside you could see huge grey clouds rushing through the sky. The most frightening thing was that it was calm; you couldn’t hear anything outside, not even the chirping of a bird.

“Seems we are getting a heavy storm.” Jon said and hoped Dot would have some help from her parents with the little ones. They got easily scared with such storms.

Suddenly a loud thunder ripped through the silence and the sky was enlightened by a huge lightning.

Kris screamed and rushed into Jon’s arms.

“Shhh…it’s ok, sweetie. We are safe in here.” He tried to calm her, but the trembling wouldn’t stop. Seemed not only the little ones were scared during a storm. He rubbed her shoulders soothing.

“You don’t like thunder and lightning, right?” he asked needlessly.

“No.” She whispered and pressed herself closer to Jon. “ I know it’s stupid.” She added.

Jon looked at her surprised. “Kris, it’s not stupid. We are all afraid of something. For me it’s the height or being in an elevator. For you it’s thunder and lightning. It’s normal.” He assured her. She nodded while biting on her bottom lip. She still had problems admitting fear or weakness.

“How about we go upstairs in my bedroom and make a nice fire in the fireplace?” he hoped she would calm down with the fire drowning the thunder a bit.

“Can we hide under the covers?” she asked with a pleading voice. He watched her face. She looked exactly like Steph when she asked it.

“Sure, sweetie. If it helps.” She nodded yes.

Walking upstairs he had to smile. Four weeks ago she hardly talked with him and now she trusted him enough to let him hold her in his arms. He never expected that day would come.

A couple minutes later the fire was burning in the fireplace creating a cosy feeling in the bedroom. Jon and Kris were hiding under the covers, building a little cave there with the help of some pillows and another blanket. He could see that she was still scared and turned the flashlight on again to make funny faces. It always works for Steph, so why not for her? And indeed, Kris had to laugh. It sounded like music in his ears.

“Jon?”

“Hmmm.”

“Can I ask you something?” she looked at him unsure.

“Of course, sweetie.” He answered when another thunder and lightning destroyed the silence. Kris snuggled closer to him immediately and took a deep breath before she asked him.

“How was she when you met her?” She could see the surprise in his face.

“You don’t have to answer, I just thought…” she added nervously, but he stopped her.

“It’s ok, sweetie.” He paused shortly. “She was a young woman, 20 I think, innocent…” Kris eyes grew wide. “…yes, sweetie.” Jon answered her unspoken question.

Kris shook her head. “Unbelievable! She nearly had another guy every week; especially when she was drunk or high.” Jon pulled her closer when he saw her shiver as the memories came back to her mind.

“She wasn’t drinking, when I met her. She was a normal girl. She liked dancing, music, shopping. We went to NYC together and she did some Christmas shopping. Something must have gone terribly wrong, when she was back in Germany.” Jon continued.

Kris didn’t look at him. “Was she like me?” he could hardly hear her whispering. He shifted lightly and made sure he looked her directly into her beautiful blue eyes.

“No, Kris!” she watched him sceptical.

He sighed. “She was a bit naïve. She didn’t expect anything bad from a person; she thought everyone was just good. You ain’t like her. You ain’t naïve. You know that some people can do you harm. You survived this nightmare in the last years…you are a very strong woman, Kris.”

She leaned into him and he could hear her sniffing lightly. He kissed her head and rubbed her shoulders.

“You ain’t her and you will never become like her, Kris.” She nodded, but still couldn’t stop the tears from falling. Jon held her tight still she calmed down again. This was really a weird situation. Laying here in bed with her. Show me a sixteen year old girl, who has such a relationship to her father!

After a while Kris had calmed down. Jon was still running his hands soothingly through her blond hair. He really needed to know something, but was afraid she would start crying again when he’d ask her. He sighed deeply. If I don’t ask her now, I will never ask and I just need to know.

Unknown to Jon, Kris watched him. She could see that something was bothering him and she had a rather good idea what he wanted to asked her. The fact that he didn’t rush, but was thinking about it so long meant a lot to her. He really cares about me. He doesn’t wanna hurt me.

“It’s ok, Jon. Ask.” She finally interrupted his thoughts.

He grimaced. “So obvious, huh?” She nodded.

“I wondered why nobody helped you. Why you didn’t tell anybody about your situation at home?” It was out. The question that gave him sleepless nights.

Kris rolled on her back and stared at the ceiling of their little cave. How should she explain it? Something she doesn’t understand herself?

“Honestly. I don’t know.” Jon watched her with squeezed eyes in the dim light of the flashlight. Kris sighed. “You know, at the beginning…well, what I remember, I always thought things will be fine again. I remember that she told me she’ll be healthy again in a little while. That was when I was already in the second grade. Maybe she was doing a detox at that time, I don’t know. I only know it didn’t get better.”

She stopped for a while, but Jon didn’t say anything. She was deep in thoughts, taking a trip back on memory lane. He was afraid she would stop talking when he would say something now. That would be bad for him, but mostly for her. She really needed to talk about this terrible time otherwise she wouldn’t be able to heal. He tentative asked her a little while ago whether she wanted to go for professional help, but she declined. It was already hard for to talk about it and she would never ever trust a stranger enough to open up.

“When I was in Junior High, she had a horrible phase. At that time I was actually thinking about telling my teacher, but…but a boy came to our grade, he got adopted a little while ago and he told us that the time in the home was a nightmare; that he wasn’t allowed to do what he wanted; that everything was in strict control.” She smiled. “I think you already realized that I don’t like it when people tell me what to do.” Jon grinned. She shrugged her shoulders. “I think that stopped me.”

Again she paused. “Well, and later when I got older, I just learned to cover it up. I was afraid that people would think I’m like her; that even the one or two friends I had, wouldn’t talk to me anymore; that I wouldn’t be allowed to work in the school library anymore and I needed the money for food.” Jon watched her in silence. Tears were already running down her face again. If I’d only known about her.

Kris sniffed and continued. “And I was right. The first thing they did when I was in the home after her death was a drug test.” Jon looked at her in disbelieve. “They couldn’t believe that it was negative; that I was clean; that I don’t drink or even smoke….They thought I was like her.” She whispered sobbing.

Jon pulled her close. “Shhh…sweetie, shhh…they are idiots. Don’t think about them anymore. You ain’t her. And we know that. That’s important, that’s the only thing that counts. Your family and friends know you are not like your mother and that you will never be like your mother.” Kris nodded crying and snuggled close to him. He closed his arms protectively around her and kissed her hair. He didn’t say anything more, just gave her time to calm down again.

After a while she looked up at him again. “Can I ask you something else?”

He watched her with squeezed eyes. “Will I blush when you asked me?” he tried to cheer her up.

She grinned with puffy red eyes. “No! I don’t need any advice in sex.”

Jon groaned and ran his hand through his hair. “That’s something I don’t wanna know, Kris.” She chuckled.

“Ok, shoot!” he said.

She bit her bottom lip. “Do you mind that I call Dot already mom, but don’t call you dad?”

“Oh, Kris…” he pulled her back in his embrace. “…of course I don’t mind. It’s up to you. It simply felt right for you to call Dot mom…” he paused.” …and I hope someday it will feel right for you to call me dad. But if not…” she watched up.”…then it doesn’t. It will never change what I feel for you, sweetie. You are my daughter and I love you, whether you call me dad or not.”

Kris smiled. “Thanks.” She tried to sit up and their little cave under the covers sank down on them.

“Oops!” They both crawled out from under the cover and tried to find a comfortable position in the huge bed. Kris threw some pillows out of the bed and hit Jon with the last one.

“Heh!” He shouted. She grinned.

“Your fault. Why do you have to sleep with so many pillows?”

He threw the pillow back. “Cause it’s comfortable.”

The pillow flew back.

“It’s not.”

Pillow again.

“It is.”

A second pillow found its way into Jon’s face.

“Oh, you little cheeky monkey.” He sat up and grabbed a pillow threw it at her. In the next second a huge pillow fight was in full swing. They were both kneeling on the bed with two pillows in their hands and attacked each other. Suddenly one of Jon’s pillows burst and feathers were raining down on them.

Kris laughed. “Now you are in trouble. Mom will not like it.”

Jon growled low in his throat and Kris screamed surprised when he tackled her and tickled her.

“Not fair.” She yelled between her laughing.

“Are you ticklish?” he asked with an evil grin.

“NO!” she said and tried to slide out off bed away from those nasty fingers.

“Oh, I think you are.” He said and pulled her back to tickle her again. Kris laughed till tears were streaming down her flushed face.

“Stop! Please!” she pleaded. Jon stopped and looked at her with loving eyes; a huge smile on his face.

“What?” she asked when she wiped the tears of her face and saw him watching her.

“It’s great to hear you laugh, sweetie.” He said and pulled her into his arms.